I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dignity is for republicans.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
