Porn is love you can see.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
