Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
