i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
