yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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