What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
