I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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