i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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