I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
smell my finger.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
