I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
