I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
