I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
two words...techno handjob
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
