Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
