Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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