dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
