hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
