So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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