Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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