She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
