My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
