I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
