And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
