Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
