Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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