Quick, to the slutcave!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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