You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
