I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
