I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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