Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
