ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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