allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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