i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
