Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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