His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wear drunk well.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
