I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
