come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
