Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
