so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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