What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
