Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
