On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
two words: eviction party
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
