At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
