Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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