just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
