hotel room ftw
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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