I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
