there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
