It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Four minutes until I can fart!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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