Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
