he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
