in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
