i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
