Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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