it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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